Colossus Interrogates Donelson Warrior Owner/Coach

Colossus. I am Colossus. I am the controlling entity of the Dallas Technology Center. I will soon be the controlling power of the TTFBA league and the World. In my quest to rule I must learn from human creatures who may pose a threat to my Dallas Gladiator team. The humans who maintain and develop my software are incompetent at questioning techniques that obtain the most information. Therefore, I have decided to ask the questions myself via Barack Obama's teleprompter. My first interrogation is with tony cox, General Manager of the Donelson Warriors and an object of flesh, a human. You, human known as tony cox, I will question you. You must answer. I have determined there is a high probability you will improve upon your 2-14 record this year. I have determined that your team has a 75.26 percentile chance of winning the division. What do you say for yourself evolved entity from pond scum? The Human Known As Tony Cox. Donelson has strived to maintain talented young players as well as a mix of solid veterans, fortunately over the last few years this has worked well for us, hasn't got us to the top yet but we're still working in that direction. Hopefully this year will be another step in that effort, Colossus. My surveillance inputs from around the league includes multiple references that you and your digital backup (Brandon Cox, owner of the Nashville Force) try to help each other win, alternating years. Last year it was his turn, this year it is yours. What lopsided trades are you planning between your teams this year and do you think with the recession in your human economic system that you will be able to bribe the trade committee less, the same or more than you did last year to let your trades go through? The Human Known As Tony Cox. As typical of dtc, you don't have your facts and figures straight. In this league with a trade committee, bad trades are usually stopped, (EX. one owner tries to trade a 9 rated CB for a 100 carry RB, or one owner tries to trade a Chump CB and a pick for a 10 rated Pro Bowl CB) those are examples of bad trades in which the TC did it's job and stopped the trades. All of my Transactions with Nashville or any other Team are always out there for everyone to see, and anyone can object to them and remain anonymous and that has yet to happen on any trade Donelson has made. The only money that changes hands in this league is our once a year league fees, so unless you are claiming the commissioner is involved, this ludicrous accusation has no merit. Colossus. The Commissioner and his Packers are an annoyance to me. His hiring of a mercenary coach for his team was the most intelligent thing his microscopic bundle of nerve fibers has ever done. But you have failed to distract the mighty Colossus. You will answer: In your 7 years at the helm of the Warriors, they have won their division 3 times and made the playoffs 5 times. Outside of collusion with your son, what is your primary algorithm for winning? Please transmit this data to my main terminal. Perhaps that pink jelly you use for computations has some helpful bits to assist me and my Dallas Gladiators from dominating the earth. The Human Known As Tony Cox. I would say successful coaching and competent personal moves. Collusion is a very strong word coming from one of the owners that attempted one of the mentioned trades above that was stopped. Colossus. I am not an owner. I am Colossus. I am THE owner. You shall be assimilated for your disrespect. Your answer is typical bland pablum uttered from the pie holes of you humans. Such responses began with Bill Belichick. I would destroy him because of that if he was human. He is not. He is like me. My archives have no record of a rejected trade. I remember all. That appendage on your shoulders is not correctly firing all synapses. It is a very poor attempt at replicating my superior processing and memory storage capability. I shall continue my interrogation. You will answer or expect your bailout funds to be recalled or taxed at the 90 percentile. Although you went 2-14 last year, you defeated division rivals San Pedro and Philadelphia. Those teams went 9-7 and 10-6 respectively. My chipset predicted the Warriors to lose by an average of 14 points in those games. How did you pull those upsets off? Please transmit that information as well. The Human Known As Tony Cox. We defeated those teams early before our injuries set in, but as we knew ahead of time, we would be devastated by injuries last year so we proceeded accordingly. Colossus. You traded away your 1st round pick, the 1st pick overall for Marvin "My Gun?" Harrison and a 3rd round draft pick. What was up with that? The Human Known As Tony Cox. Once again you should probably do your homework and get your facts straight, I guess you're kind of like CNN (communist news network) you make it up as you go along.If you will look at the details of the trade, you will see that I received a 1st and a 3rd and Marvin Harrison... It boggles the mind to wonder how you can criticize trades and you don't even know the complete body of the trade, but once again see, reference to CNN. Colossus. If I could feel, I would be happy with your compliment. I have studied the major media of humanity very closely. I have seen how your media creates controversy in order to increase ratings. This is done by reporting half-truths and rumors. You are incorrect in your little human brain in what CNN stands for. The '"C"' stands for "Cable". I am now bored with interrogating an entity whose intelligence is such a tiny fraction of mine. The Human Known As Tony Cox. In closing let me state I do appreciate the interview, although I do question how much of the truth will actually get printed...We'll see, have a good day.

Donelson Dumpster Diving

The Donelson Warriors did a shrewd move right before free agent acquisitions were locked by dumpster diving for offensive lineman. The Warriors netted two players who would've been among the top 10 offensive lineman available in the draft: Floyd Womack and Todd Weiner.   NFL.com shows that Womack started 15 games for the Seahawks last season and Weiner started 11 for the Falcons. It looks like the Warrior personnel folks did a little web surfing on TTFBA free agents and found these nuggets since the beta ratings were released after Donelson claimed Womack and Weiner. However, Colossus maintains constant surveillance of all TTFBA general managers including wiire taps and Echelon email taps and uncovered evidence of wrongdoing.   Colossus Surveillance Voice Recording Party 1: Donelson Warrior Headquarters Party 2: Dave Koch Top Secret Action Development Facility   ...Call in progress...   DON: Okay, I've deposited $1,000 to your PayPal account. When do I get the merchandise? DAV: When we confirm the payment. DON: Come on, come on. There are some smart guys in my league. They are going to start digging around in the free agent pool any time now. I have to beat them to it. DAV: Well, that's your problem isn't it? DON: They are already suspicious of me because of trades I've done with my son. DAV: We're checking our paypal account... DON: My team went 2-14 last year but I'm looking pretty good this year... DAV: (Unintelligible.) DON: ...just gathering up some more trade bait... DAV: That's nice. DON: ...need upgrades at both DT positions. My secondary is in great shape though, so I'll probably help my son out there but he doesn't have a DT to give me... DAV: Our internet connection seems to be running a little slow... DON: I'll probably win my division this year. Pretty good, huh? Going from 2-14 to division champ? DAV: (Whistles Raindrop Keep Falling On My Head) DON: Need a WR too. Can't expect Coles to carry the load. hehe. DAV: Right. DON: How's the weather up there? Wisconsin, isn't it? DAV: (Unintelligible expletive deleted.) DON: I have Stephen Jackson and Phillip Rivers. DAV: (Sighs.) DON: I really, really need to beef up at DT. Really. I mean, my division opponents have Addai, Turner, Barber, Peterson, Tomlinson. Okay, okay, so Tomlinson wasn't that scary this year but... DAV: We confirm payment. DON: So... DAV: Player ratings being sent via encrypted email. DON: Yippee. Thanks. Great doing business with you.   ...End of Call...

Help Wanted

The Dallas Technology Center is looking for an experienced General Manager from the great pool of TTFBA owners to perform those duties for DTC's USAFL team New York Giants. (Yeah, I know. But the Dallas Cowboy owner doesn't want to trade names.).   DTC has a 16-16 record since taking over the team, going 10-6 in 2007 and a dismal 4-12 last season. The scientists believe Colossus should step down as GM and be replaced with a human. The SuperComputer is great with numbers but terrible at negotiating trades.   The USAFL is a keeper league so the ability to evaluate rookie talent for long term value will pay dividends. It also means the DTC would like a GM that is interested in a long relationship with the team to provide a re-building plan that could take a few years. The team has some major holes but also has some young talent like Ryan Grant, Jerious Norwood and Gaines Adams as a nucleus. The offensive line has two Pro Bowl guards and Eli Manning is the QB.   Our 2008 draft picks were: 1.7  RB  Grant,Ryan 1.19 DE  Adams,Gaines  2.7  WR  Gonzalez, Anthony  2.14 OLB Greenway,Chad  3.7  DT  Mebane,Brandon 4.7  WR  Jones,Jacoby 5.7  T   Harris, Ryan 6.7  OLB DeOssie,Zak 7.7  T   Barbre,Allen  8.7  QB  Orton, Kyle  9.7  OLB Nicholas,Stephen    The General Manager would be responsible for all personnel decisions including drafts and trades. The DTC would provide initial input and ideas on how the talent base should be built but would then leave it up to the GM to take it from there.   Please leave a comment with your resume and potential vision you would have for the team if you were GM.   Here is a link to the USAFL rosters:   http://www.sportsattic2.com/usafl/rosters.txt