Announcing DalTech Bank and Trust Co.

In a brilliant corporate move, the Dallas Technology Center management was able to divert auto bailout funds for DalTech Motors into seed money for their latest subsidiary: DalTech Bank and Trust Co.   DalTech Bank is now accepting deposits for new accounts and has a special on hand for all TTFBA members: 0.0% interest. Regular depositers get (or should we say pay) -.02% interest. Throw in a 1st round draft pick with your deposit and receive a free toaster ($89.98 handling fee).

Dallas Tech Center Expands into Auto Manufacturing

The first car from DTC's new auto manufacturing division, DalTech Motors, rolled off the assembly line today making DTC eligible for federal bailout dollars targeted for the auto industry.   DalTech Motors' first model is called the GeekMobile (see picture). It comes with a 62.53 hp multi-fuel engine, reaches a top speed of 54.25713141516 miles per hour. Among other sources, the engine can be fueled by regular gas, diesel, nuclear waste, garbage chunks, skittles, pocket protectors and methane emittances from animal or human donors.   Some anonymous officials within DTC say that some of the bailout dollars will be redirected into the Gladiator Football operation to fund R&D for draft analysis and simulation software development along with pallet-sized purchases of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and energy drinks.

Super Bowl IX: Tillman 30, NW Missouri 20

This Championship has to be among the top three in TTFBA history. It wasn't as good as Super Bowl VI (http://www.sportsattic2.com/ttfba/archive/PLAY05BOX11.TXT) when North Carolina defeated NW Missouri 23-16 on a Tiki Barber TD run with 1:15 to go. It was more along the lines of the other Big Show game Tillman appeared. Tillman, known as the mighty Ouagadogou Walrus then, went up against the Wausau Blue Bombers in Super Bowl II. Ouagadogou led for a half but the lead changed 3 times in the 2nd half with Wausau taking the lead for good,24-17, with 9:41 left and ultimately winning 26-17. http://www.sportsattic2.com/ttfba/archive/play01box11.txt Things started out terribly for the Rangers when QB David Garrard threw an interception on his first pass of the game which the Rednecks promptly turned into 7 with a 29 pass from Carson Palmer to Torry Holt while the Ranger defense keyed on Brian Westbrook. But Tillman rebounded quickly, scoring on the next drive. After Andre Davis returned the kickoff all the way to the Ranger 39 yard line, the offense made quick work of the remaining 61 yards. A large chunk of it came on a short pass to T.J. Housmandzadeh that he turned into a 28 yard gain because NW Missouri, just like Tillman's defense on the Redneck's prior score, was caught in run defense, trying to stuff the potent running game of Tillman. At the end of the 1st quarter, the score was 10-7 after Tillman capitalized on Palmer's first interception of the day and turned it into a field goal. But kudos to the Redneck defense for keeping the Rangers out of the endzone. A Ranger punt had pinned NW Missouri on their own 4 yard line so OLB David Thornton's pick on the 18 gave Tillman a very,very short field. The Rangers hit paydirt on their opening drive of the 2nd quarter, scoring on a 32 yard scamper by RB Selvin Young. Tillman now up 17-7. The Rednecks immediately replied with nice 73 yard drive, hitting the Rangers with the one-two punch of Westbrook and Palmer. Tillman is burned deep by Palmer on another TD strike to Holt, this one a 26 long fly pattern while the Ranger secondary in tight coverage could only watch the ball arc over them. They played some more for the rest of the half but it was boring stuff and most of the crowd were out buying hot dogs and Dr. Peppers (the Official Soft Drink of the Dallas Technology Center) by the time half time arrived and the teams went to the locker rooms with Tillman up 17-14.. For the first time, league officials let the Super Bowl coaches pick the half time musical artists. First up was Chris Erath's choice of Hannah Montana. A frightening moment occured when Ms. Montana accidently stepped over a pyrotechnic tube as it went off and was launched into the UltraJumboTron. Although she was obviously unconcious as she floated down from the rafters (her costume was so elaborate it turned into a very effective parachute), her voice continued blaring (screeching?) from the speakers. The crowd started to boo because of the circumstantial evidence of lip synching. Ms. Montana was followed by Mike Rodriquez's musical artist choice of Celine Dion accompanied by the magic of Siegfried and Roy and their tigers. Both coaches were seen at halftime in the owners' luxoboxes wearing t-shirts of their beloved artists and singing along with the show. But...onward to the second half: Mr. Erath may've wondered if Super Bowl II was going to repeat itself when NW Missouri opened the 2nd half with a 6 minute drive that wound up tying the score, 17-17, on a 37 yard field goal. Tillman answered with a field goal of their own to get back in the lead. On the Redneck's next drive, Westbrook fumbles on his own 30 yard line. Incredibly, that was Westbrook's very first fumble of the season. Terrible timing. The Rangers cash in quickly with Dwayne Cost-Me-A-Song Bowe taking a short slant 19 yards for a TD. NW Missouri is down by 10, 27-17, with 16:35 left in the game, no time to panic. Once again, they go on a patented 6 minute drive but have to settle, once again, for a FG. But it gets them within TD striking distance. A 33 yard FG attempt by Tillman Jeff Reed is blocked by Albert Haynesworth. Could the Big Mo be turning for NW Mo? NO. As prognosticated by the DTC, Palmer's propensity to throw interceptions is the weakness of the NW Missouri offense. (Actually, this is not the correct usage for prognostication but it was a big word and I wanted to put it in here.) Palmer single handedly collapses the Redneck season by throwing not one, but two picks in the final 3:02 of the Super Bowl. One was too close to his own endzone so that Tillman was able to kick a 45 yard field goal, effectively putting the game away with 1:18 left. Tillman 30, NW Missouri 20.

MRod = ARod?

Is it possible there is a link between MRod and ARod? MRod and his NW Missouri Rednecks (Code Name for New York Yankees) failed to show up for the TTFBA Super Bowl last night. This happened to be the same day that ARod admitted to using steriods while with the Texas Rangers (no relation to Dallas Technology Center although Dallas is in proximity to Arlington, Home of the Rangers).   Was MRod's failure to show for the Big Show and ARod's admission just a coincidence? DTC thinks not. Steriod abuse among baseball players and TTFBA management and coaches has been rumored for many years now. DTC calls for an immediate investigation and drug testing for performance enhancement drugs among all TTFBA ownership.   Could it be the MRod's appearance in 6 Super Bowls was performance enhanced? Would that explain why his teams have appeared in the playoffs every single year of the TTFBA existence?   The Dallas Technology Center demands that the Commish start testing all TTFBA participants for steriods and more heinous products like:   Red Bull Hyphy Scalded Dog Jolt Cola Amp (the drink, not the electricity measurement) Redline While Tiger Semtex (the drink, not the explosive) PitBull Stoked Skinny Gazelle Battery Juiced SuckerPunch Cocaine (the drink, not the white powder) SlumpBuster ZipFizz Mountain Dew (and associated products) Starbucks   Special Thanks to the Department of Homeland Security, the Drug Enforcement Agency and this blog: http://taurinerules.blogspot.com/

TTFBA 2009 Super Bowl Preview

NW Missouri Rednecks vs Tillman Rangers   Both of these teams know their way around the playoffs. The Rednecks have gone every year in the 9 year existence of the league, winning 6 division crowns including the last 5 consecutive seasons. The Rangers have only missed the playoffs one year and have 5 division crowns. A strong case can be made that the Rangers have the tougher division primarily because of arch-rival North Carolina. NW Missouri rarely has a tough division matchup.   However, the proof comes down to the Big Show and the Rednecks clearly have more experience there. This is their 6th appearance in a Super Bowl and, incredibly,  their 5th consecutive!  They've one the TTFBA Championship twice following perfect 16-0 seasons. This season they passed North Carolina as the winningest team in TTFBA history boasting 112 wins.   The Tillman Rangers, the 2nd winningest team, has only 1 Super Bowl appearance, losing to the Wausau Blue Bombers 7 years ago. They are 2-4 in Conference Championship Games. That's one of those glass half full, half empty scenarios. Though it may seem a blot for a championship caliber team, most of the teams in the conference have never made it that far.   NW Missouri Offense vs Tillman Defense   The Rednecks are the highest scoring offense in the league (33 pts per game) led by touchdown passing machine Carson Palmer. Palmer threw 41 TD passes during the regular season primarily to the Quadruplets: Torry Holt (14), Tony Gonzalez (8), Steve Smith (8) and Michael Westbrook (6). Westbrook was one of the best RBs in the league with 1,424 yds, 9 TDs and a sweet 5.3 yard rushing average. NW Missouri has the best offensive line for the run. If there is any chink in the armor, it could be Palmer's INT percentage. He had a terrible game vs Nashville during the season throwing 5 INTs.   This high-flying squad faces off with the defensive wall of the Tillman Rangers, 2nd in the league in points allowed at 13.1 per game. Tops against the pass allowing only 157 yds a game and picking off opposing QBs 22 times. The run allows some yards, allowing almost 100 per game but only 4 TDs. One startling stat, as mentioned in the Conference Championship article, is they allowed 4.8 yards per carry, the worst in the league.   Top hosses on the Ranger defense are S Bob Sanders and DT Jamal Williams. The talent is very good but not top notch across the board so the defensive numbers are probably helped considerably by the bulldozer running game of the Rangers. In their base 4-3 defense, Tillman has 34 passing defense points which is 10th best. In nickel, it goes up to 40 which is 6th best in nickel defenses.   Tillman Offense vs NW Missouri Defense   The Rangers get it done with a mob of running backs, ripping up the turf for 2,673 yds and 23 TDs lead by Len Dale White's 834 yds and 14 TDs. The passing game was only 13th in yards per game (208) but still ranked 6th in passing TDs, tossing 29. There is also excellent depth in QB with David Garrard being the top gun backed up by Todd Collins and Tavaris Jackson. There are some durabilty concerns here with the top rated QBs, Garrard and Collins, having 3 durability but with only one game to go, the depth is ample enough to make it.   Which brings us to the interesting matchup the Rednecks provide on defense: The #1 run defense in the league. They only allowed 69 yards a game, 4 TDs and 3.3 yards a carry. That's #1 across all three of those categories. Big Boys Albert Haynesworth, Michael Strahan and Demarcus Ware plug things up. The pass defense is very good as well, picking off opposing QBs 23 times lead by Terence Newman and Ken Hamlin. The Redneck defense is tough even in their second favorite platoon 3-2 Dime.   NW Missouri Rednecks +6.5 vs Tillman Rangers