Ah, Mr. Favre!
So good to have you back in the fold, we've been waiting for you. We've kept the other bed in Mr. Rodgers room open in anticipation of this wonderful day. (It will also give you two time to re-bond and for him to go over the playbook with you.)
Oh, now - who said anything about releasing you? You are Brett. We understand. You will take us to the Super Bowl again. Aaron has worked hard in the offseason to improve his clipboard handling skills just in case you'd decide to come back. (Wouldn't want him to get too rusty, now would we?)
Besides we know how much you'd hate to play for the V-v-v...I'm sorry. It's is difficult to say. For the purple godless horde. It's terribly cold there. Okay, it's cold here as well but...well, maybe not THAT cold.
No hard feelings, okay? We know you were telling the truth based on what you perceived the truth to be at the time the truth was becoming truth and then the truth changed because you felt that at the time it was the truth but now it's all clearer because everyone is tired and done at that time and the truth is we all want to quit but now you're not tired and the truth changed and you can come back and everyone will be happy.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Dear Josh McCown
Dear Josh,
Congratulations on your recent diploma from Klutz State University following the successful presentation of your thesis on how to slice your hand with a chain saw. I am sure Bill Parcells is just thrilled with your accomplishment. I am anxious to hear why you decided to attend the School of Tree Stump Cutting like fellow alumni punter Chris "Axe-in-the-leg" Hanson instead of the more challenging School of Motorcycle Wheelies like Kellen Winslow, Ben Roethlisberger and Lavar Arrington. But a degree is a degree. And not everyone can aspire to the arduous degree plan of Blood Loss majors like Brandon "McWrapper Crash" Marshall. Wait, is that Brandon "BroWrestle" Marshall? I can't remember.
Congratulations on your recent diploma from Klutz State University following the successful presentation of your thesis on how to slice your hand with a chain saw. I am sure Bill Parcells is just thrilled with your accomplishment. I am anxious to hear why you decided to attend the School of Tree Stump Cutting like fellow alumni punter Chris "Axe-in-the-leg" Hanson instead of the more challenging School of Motorcycle Wheelies like Kellen Winslow, Ben Roethlisberger and Lavar Arrington. But a degree is a degree. And not everyone can aspire to the arduous degree plan of Blood Loss majors like Brandon "McWrapper Crash" Marshall. Wait, is that Brandon "BroWrestle" Marshall? I can't remember.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A Letter
Dear Mr. Favre:
Congratulations on a outstanding career. Now please either go home to Mississippi and hang out or become a play-by-play guy but do not come back.
My Dallas Gladiators drafted your heir-apparent in 2006 in anticipation of your eventual retirement. I have waited patiently for 2 years enduring your constant angst over whether to retire or play another year. I'm glad you had so much fun last year with your 4,155 yards passing, 66.5% completion rate and 28 touchdowns. Nice. But you are old. 38. Ancient in football years. Go away.
It is time for my investment in Aaron Rodgers to be rewarded. You have probably already damaged his effectiveness by trying this unretirement stunt even if you don't play. The poor guy was already in a difficult situation having to follow you and now he has to deal with your unretirement ghost floating around him. The first incomplete pass and the crowd will be shouting "Favre! Favre!"
Your meandering interview on Fox News was beneath you. Dude, you're a tough guy. You've played beat up. You've been pounded by linebackers and defensive linemen. With the exception of your friend Michael Strahan that one time in 2001, most of the time you didn't want them catching you. But there you were whining on national tv, spouting a bunch of psychobabble, saying it didn't bother you that the Packers had moved on but pouting the entire time. What was that?
So, please give it up. Let your exploits age into legend. Don't tarnish it with another season, risking an inglorious finish to a stellar career.
So. Go away.
Congratulations on a outstanding career. Now please either go home to Mississippi and hang out or become a play-by-play guy but do not come back.
My Dallas Gladiators drafted your heir-apparent in 2006 in anticipation of your eventual retirement. I have waited patiently for 2 years enduring your constant angst over whether to retire or play another year. I'm glad you had so much fun last year with your 4,155 yards passing, 66.5% completion rate and 28 touchdowns. Nice. But you are old. 38. Ancient in football years. Go away.
It is time for my investment in Aaron Rodgers to be rewarded. You have probably already damaged his effectiveness by trying this unretirement stunt even if you don't play. The poor guy was already in a difficult situation having to follow you and now he has to deal with your unretirement ghost floating around him. The first incomplete pass and the crowd will be shouting "Favre! Favre!"
Your meandering interview on Fox News was beneath you. Dude, you're a tough guy. You've played beat up. You've been pounded by linebackers and defensive linemen. With the exception of your friend Michael Strahan that one time in 2001, most of the time you didn't want them catching you. But there you were whining on national tv, spouting a bunch of psychobabble, saying it didn't bother you that the Packers had moved on but pouting the entire time. What was that?
So, please give it up. Let your exploits age into legend. Don't tarnish it with another season, risking an inglorious finish to a stellar career.
So. Go away.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
So long Greg
The exit of Greg Smith from the TTFBA brings the number of original league members down to 6: Ed Vidaillet of the San Pedro Corsairs, Mike Rodriquez of the NW Missouri Rednecks, Mark Liveringhouse of the NC Triad Tremblers, Chris Erath of the Tillman Rangers, Chad Weyenberg of the Muncie Packers and me.
Greg's resignation from the league will have little impact on this season because the Wausau Bomber talent was among the worst, if not the worst, in the league. However, based on his prior history, it wouldn't have been long before Wausau was back in the playoffs. Alas, we will never find out. So we look back on Greg's impressive accomplishments in the TTFBA:
Seasons: 8 (2000-2007)
Super Bowl appearances: 1 (2001)
Super Bowl Championships: 1 (2001)
Conference championship appearances: 4 (2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Playoff appearances : 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Division Titles: 6 (2000,2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Seasons over .500 : 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Seasons with 10 or more wins: 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Coach of the Year, Seasons in the Top 5 : 4 (2001, 2003, 2006, 2007)
Greg's resignation from the league will have little impact on this season because the Wausau Bomber talent was among the worst, if not the worst, in the league. However, based on his prior history, it wouldn't have been long before Wausau was back in the playoffs. Alas, we will never find out. So we look back on Greg's impressive accomplishments in the TTFBA:
Seasons: 8 (2000-2007)
Super Bowl appearances: 1 (2001)
Super Bowl Championships: 1 (2001)
Conference championship appearances: 4 (2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Playoff appearances : 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Division Titles: 6 (2000,2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Seasons over .500 : 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Seasons with 10 or more wins: 6 (2000, 2001, 2003, 2005-2007)
Coach of the Year, Seasons in the Top 5 : 4 (2001, 2003, 2006, 2007)
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